Author Interview: Rabbit on mythic timing, on joy, on song
An email thread begins.
April 24th, 2022 9:22 AM MST
KC: It's really can't be overstated how moving that most recent poem you posted is - beautiful.
I'm having some weird internet issues :/
What I don't know, at this point, is how long this interview will take me to complete. But I do know there is a sense of completion, a knowledge that when this interview is finished, there will be a chime of "rightness", of being right on time. It hovers over the mystic reality this line of questioning, our call and response, is entering. What I don't know, at this point, is the circular and wonderful turn this interview is going to take.
KC: Anyway, here's the first question;
How long have you been working with Loki [and Co.]? How does this story begin?
April 24th, 2022
Rabbit: I first identified Loki early in the summer of 2012, but in hindsight I think I may have been laughably slow on the uptake. (I have compelling evidence that it was Loki's influence that had my father (derogatory) permanently removed from my family's lives when I was still in my infancy, though Loki has steadfastly refused to confirm or deny this when asked. Typical.)
It was two years after my short-lived but psychologically and spiritually disastrous stint in Wicca that I was formally made their acquaintance - I was still a practicing witch, kind of, but feeling desperately adrift without the aid of any of the previous framework I'd had for it either religiously or metaphysically.
I'd razed my practice to the ground and started rebuilding the city with no blueprints. It was slow going - two years on and I hadn't figured out any more than whispers. I knew there was a Death Something in my life. At first I thought she was Santísima Muerte because her iconography was what was in my town, but research and direct experience pretty quickly led me to conclude that this was wrong, too.
I knew that the Moon still meant Something to me, that that connection was parental and not likely to be severed in this lifetime, but the wound was still raw and I didn't know how to reconcile that with my experiences both within Wicca and my own family.
I knew that being in the presence of a large enough body of water made me want to throw myself under the surface to sing and howl and weep with prayer, but not to what.
I knew, in a very nebulous way, what the gift of fear was when I was deep in the old growth forest high on the hills surrounding my home, but I was also determined to believe that this was because I liked wolves a normal amount.
Loki's presence, by comparison felt...almost domestic. I felt a little bit crazy all over again.
People are overcome by all kinds of emotions in the face of the great outdoors, or whatever, but sitting at home alone and suddenly being struck by the live wire of what was unmistakably a god after those two long years of radio silence felt like a whole new level of unbelievability. It was a lot to take.
Even so, I was desperate to make up for lost time and threw myself into research and experimentation. I started working with Loki and their family in a brand new Norse pagan practice in June or July, and I've never looked back. We clicked so fast that I made the monumentally stupid decision to swear an Oath to Loki all of a month later. On August 1st, 2012.
The following year of my life was to be his - I would throw myself into any Work he set before me in exchange for answers. Answers to what, I couldn't tell you, but I was damn sure going to get them.
I wouldn't recommend this approach to religion to anyone, but it is something that I have often referred to as the best mistake I ever made, and to this day I swear new oaths to him every August 1st to pay homage to that first miraculous blunder.
May 8th, 2022
11:42 AM MST
KC: It's so curious to read your journey and see at just how many points our stories converge in similar ways. Narrative parallels are certainly a theme in your writing; tell me more about your experience with that.
May 8th, 2022
Rabbit: I know - I'm always fascinated by your stories for the same reason. You're the best narrative foil a girl* could ask for.
There's so much I could say on this I don't hardly know where to begin.
My whole life is one long refrain. I think that's true for a lot of us - a lot of us are haunted by the same theme again and again, to varying degrees of awareness. I firmly believe that there's patterns to everything if you can get the parallax just right.
At some point between leaving Wicca and joining Norse paganism, I studied Discordianism and chaos magic for a bit, and there's this metaphysical concept within it that objective reality is imperceptible or incomprehensible and what we consider to be material or experiential reality is all a matter of subjective perception.
The metaphor used to explain this to me was that objective reality is like a sky full of stars and we're all looking at it through a window. The different grids we draw on the glass divide the sky up in different ways, and group stars together into different constellations. None of the constellations are false, but nothing you could see through a window would be the whole of the sky, either.
Discordianism isn't for me, but I'll always be fond of it for giving me the moment of reading that metaphor for the first time. It cracked my head open something fierce. I keep drawing and redrawing those grids to make sense of what part of the web is being bowed to send which notes of wyrd shivering down that long red thread. Which story is resonating again.
There's nothing new under the sun. We keep being possessed by the same stories. Part of what drives my interest in folklore and historical ballads is getting to tease out which part of the story has stuck around, and why. It's letting me learn to meet the eternal return with joy more often than with terror.
There's a lot of talk in pagan circles about how the gods are Just Like Us, and in a narrative sense I believe that, too.
Odinn in the Eddas is an obvious prime example - planning and plotting and terror and rage in the face of the inevitable. Inevitability that's only inevitable because Odinn is who he is and heaves the way he behaves.
If he were different - if we were different - the story might turn out differently, but he isn't and it doesn't and we keep telling it anyway.
So many of the gods' stories are so painfully human. The gods carry the same refrains that we do. (Did you know that another word for a song's refrain is burden? I didn't until very recently.) Worship, for me, is nothing if not a call and response. I don't know how much of my story I'd be able to tell to any god who hadn't already lived it. All my gods are in some way or another holding up a mirror to me - the mortifying ordeal and all that.
What I do know, at this point and as the interviewer, is that although I have more questions for Rabbit, Loki has sat himself down beside me and proceeded to backseat drive.
Progression on Lokahjarta has a hit stop-and-go traffic - no; more driving down a backroad with no shoes on, spilling my slushy, and trying to tune the old FM radio via brainwave.
Running up that hill is now trudging up a mountain and taking breaks every five minutes to squint at the peak.
The message is clear, for all it's apparent lack thereof. The season has not yet come, the wheel not yet turned. It is not yet Time.
Until one day in August, it is Time Again. The radio tunes in.
August 1st, 2022
KC (not putting the pieces together and following the whims of one Mr. Right-on-Time): Hello once again Rabbit my dearest love,
I am getting our interview on the site today; I have been waiting for just the Right Time to get it Out and I think it's almost here (almost Time)
I don't know why I expected to be able to work on this site outside of mythic timing or on anyone's schedule besides His Own but he has firmly shut down all attempts to tinker with the webpage or any related activities outside his own self governing alarm clock.
So, my last question,
Where do you see the future of Lokeanism going? What do you think is in store for you and for our community?
We've talked about was Was, we talked about What Is, what do you think you're headed toward now?
And Rabbit, ever-faithful, knows well how the seasons turn.
Rabbit (with plans of zeir own): Welcome back, dear heart.
I had assumed as much - death waits for no man and sacred time rushes to meet no poet. These things happen as they must.
What a beautiful, difficult question. I think, like a lot of people around our age, I spent a long time assuming I didn't have a future, so I'm still taking baby steps learning to imagine what one of those looks like.
On a personal level, I've spent the last few years keeping my head down in this community, not really putting any of myself out into the world or sharing anything of my personal experience with our god. That was the right thing to do at the time, but I've recently been getting dragged out of hibernation by the hair and it's become very clear that right now my only job is to try to do that with a minimum of kicking and screaming.
Community lives and dies by the willingness of individuals to share what they've got and put their cards on the table.
I think our shared future is one of joyful connection - to Him and to each other.
You've said as much yourself, but I think we're arriving at a place of renewed mysticism and ecstasy and mystery.
I think we're coming to a time of celebrating and uplifting the things that made us Serially Incapable of Just Being Normal, in the best possible way. Over the last decade I've gotten to see Lokeans go from being fringe weirdos to center-stage weirdos, and that's only going to get bigger and louder and I am so excited to be there for it.
August 1st, 2022
7:32 PM MST
And as the interviewer, the cataloguer, I feel as though I have borne witness to something incredible. Timing was not so much on my side as it was the driver all along. The chimes of "rightness" sing their soft refrains.
And though I had not intentioned to resume our interview on August 1st, 10 years after zeir first oath, nor expected such a joyful surprise, nor initially even planned my questions beforehand (I'm a wild card!) I can only come to one conclusion thus;
"I think our shared future is one of joyful connection - to Him and to each other."
Thank you Rabbit and congratulations on your godmarriage.
This same day, Rabbit shared an incredible music arrangement which could in turns be called a devotional hymn, an ode to traditional folk songs, an endearing poem, and love letter to Loki.
I urge everyone to go and check out the original post on zeir blog and view it in it's original formatting and the web of notes, images, and poems (!) created by use of tumblr's tagging system.