• Rabbit

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i look back on skipping dinner to buy paper and


shoplifting cinnamon gum to keep your name in my silent mouth,


hungry mouth, hungry but awake and


alive and i think


my god, we were beautiful then


wide eyed with the dawn and running about wherever i pleased and


that howling void in my belly was real and physical and now


this


still hollow with abstinence, but not the same


i've got the money and not the paper


i've got a week's worth of dinners on ice and


too many places to be and


no more running about and


no need to sneak my gum out under my phone like a shamed dog


and no more gum at all, because


these days


the sugar makes me sick


and the whiskey makes me sick


and the pills make me sick


and the fucking


howling


makes me sick


bring back that other void, i say


on my knees, begging,


bring back that lightwell,


sunlight warm and open and reverberating just to hold that song


pouring out of my silent mouth and you and you and you -


and you put your hand to my face like a mourner and say


i cannot bring back what wasn't mine


 

Author: Rabbit


I'm Rabbit, a queer androgyne born and raised in Southern Appalachia, now far travelled. I've been a Lokean for ten years and I am a godspouse-to-be. Mainly free verse, a little prose. Other devotionals and odds and ends can be found on my tumblr




 


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